My Girlfriend and her Atheism

2 Feb

(Note: I started typing this a long time ago and have been writing it a little at a time. I apologize for the extensive delay.)

Although I started a Twitter and blog for my use in godlessness, my girlfriend is more atheistic than me in a lot of ways. Although I feel strongly about my lack of beliefs, she came to them all on her own, something I sometimes doubt I would ever have been able to do. I became an nonbeliever in part because my family left the church and I was raised from then on in a very scientific environment. Without these events, I may never have thought it possible to question god, as I sometimes fear. But Nicole (that’s her name) grew up in a very religious environment. Her mother is a very strict catholic and many attributes that I find poor in parents. Her mothers parents immigrated from Italy and were/are worse than her mom.

And yet beside all this, she managed to question it all at an early age. Much earlier than I did, she thought that everything was a little ridiculous. This is something I envy.

Maybe a few weeks before she met me, Nicole told her mother she was an atheist. Her mom did not react very calmly. She tried to force Nicole to go to church and get confirmed. Eventually, the deal was that she had to get confirmed into the church, after which she could do whatever she likes. Despite this, her mom has harassed her several times to attend, and on the subject of religion, often to the point of tears. My girlfriends parents have made her cry. My frustration when this happens cannot be expressed. There is nothing I can do.

I remember the day Nicole’s parents found out I am an atheist. Never have they said anything to me, but it was one of the days where they yelled at her. We don’t know how they knew, and Nicole said she didn’t care, she was so upset. I care very much, and sometimes I wonder who or what violated my privacy in this way. I have a few theories that I might as well share to make this post even longer.

My first is that they found out through Facebook. They may have become curious about me, and checked my information. I have under religion pretty clearly “atheist.” Back then I think I even included a helpful little “it means I don’t believe in god” in case people were confused.

My second is that they found out through other parents. There are several people in school, of not practically everyone, who know I am an atheist. It is not entirely unlikely they told their parents, any of whom could tell another set of parents, especially those who have a daughter I am dating. I don’t particularly like this one and I think it is a bit unlikely.

The past two I actually thought up as I typed this, after putting more thought into it. This third is the one I have believed for quite a while (this took place several months ago, not all that long after we were dating). It is that someone both me and Nicole know well, and I have come to dislike. She is one of the few people I know whom I truly dislike. I used to consider her my friend, but I now consider her very annoying. I once liked to talk about religion with her, as it was something I found interesting and was sort of a hobby. She thought I was trying to “convert” her, something I don’t think she is smart enough for. Something that I think really severed our friendship was a little after she came back from Jesus Camp, and she called up Nicole for sort of an intervention, telling her to break up with me. ( I don’t think she grasped that Nicole was just as atheist as I was.) Nicole laughed and hung up. Although I found it mildly funny, I still felt betrayed, and you can hardly stay friends with someone who does that to you. I’m not the only one who dislikes her. She seems to think she can talk absolute shit about a person and still remain friends with them. Sometimes I wonder if she has any anymore, as pretty much everyone I know dislikes her.

Now, I don’t want to give you the impression that she’s a victim of bullying or anything; no one necessarily picks on her, and part of the reason I dislike her so much is that she talks shit about so many people of who I consider friends, something I am completely intolerant towards. Rationally or not, this has caused my feelings.

My reasoning for suspecting this girl of “telling on me” is her previous disregard to my privacy in an attempt to get us to break up. I don’t quite remember which came first due to how long ago it was. Nicole may not care but I do very much.

Nothing was ever said to me about the subject from her parents, but there seemed to be a sudden loss of trust. Before, they trusted my fully, or at least as much as could be expected towards a daughter’s boyfriend. But afterwards they seemed ever so slightly more hostile, and I was no longer trusted alone with her, as if I would rape her of they turned their back. Although her parents often frustrated me, it still hurt that they would treat me like that, and that it seemed to be connected with my atheism.

I think I am going to end this rambling on the note that the 11 of February will be our ‘anniversary’, marking one year of dating, of which I am quite excited about.


Follow me on twitter @AtheistEvolving

Edit: part of the reason Nicole’s parents distrusted me was they thought I converted her. I didn’t; she was an atheist before I knew her.


7 Responses to “My Girlfriend and her Atheism”

  1. James Watt February 26, 2012 at 11:48 PM #

    My situation is kind of the inverse of yours. I separated from and divorced my Christian ex-wife about a year ago. I considered myself agnostic-theist for the last couple years, but my family wasn’t aware of my wishy-washy belief. Over last summer, the non-existence of god hit me like a ton of bricks after having a friendly conversation with an atheist.

    I immediately started researching and learning as much as I could. I was raised in a Christian family in a Christian community. I attended a Christian school and learned creation-based science. I’ve since read countless books, including The God Delusion and God is not Great. I’ve now moved on to science books (about biological evolution and physics) in an attempt to learn real science and remove a lifetime of brainwashing.

    A little after I “found science”, I met my new girlfriend, who is moderately “spiritual.” She doesn’t believe in religion, per say, and often agrees with my views. Anyways, my family found out about my atheism and have been fervently attempting to save my soul ever since. Phone calls, emails, Facebook messages… I have heard that they all get together and pray for me.

    Anyways, my family believes that I must have changed my religion for my new girlfriend. They refuse to listen to my arguments and insist that she is some type of evil who has pulled me away from the path of Christ. It is amazingly frustrating and difficult, because I know that they will never approve of her or accept her.

    The funny thing is that she isn’t even an atheist!

    • AtheistEvolving February 28, 2012 at 4:22 AM #

      I would first like to thank you for the follow and comments. Both actions always make me feel like there is someone listening.

      Second, I must say I am quite sympathetic; were I in your position, I would be very frustrated. And if your girlfriend is anything like me (which she may not be, I don’t know) then I’m sure she is very frustrated as well.

      I’ve never actually heard of someone being convinced into atheism by any one person. It is a conclusion that is made on their own through painstaking analysis that many people are not really capable of. I think both your family and my girlfriend’s parents strongly underestimate the power of indoctrination.

      Thanks very much for reading my blog. I only just realized I recognize you from Twitter, haha


      • James Watt February 28, 2012 at 6:00 AM #

        To be completely honest, I have never told her about the drama. My hope is that they get to know her and realize that my belief is independent of hers. If I tell her, she will most likely close herself off to them.

        This could all backfire one holiday. I’ll be sure to blog about it if it happens!

      • AtheistEvolving February 28, 2012 at 1:42 PM #

        Oh dear that would be quite interesting…

        I hope it works out the better way, but I’m excited to hear what happens next.

  2. Dy-Anne! April 24, 2012 at 5:09 PM #

    Obviously since you are an atheist you are going to impregnate their daughter with satan offspring cause you know, all atheists are satanists and sent by the devil.

    Also I really did LOL @ “She thought I was trying to “convert” her, something I don’t think she is smart enough for.”

    I have felt that way about a few people – they just aren’t smart enough to see the possibility of no god – but then I guess that is what religion is counting on.

    • AtheistEvolving April 25, 2012 at 12:12 PM #

      The sad thing is, that’s literally the impression they gave me. They used to actually trust me alone with her haha. They’re better about that now, but there was a definite change of mood.

      I agree, although statistics show that people are getting smarter. In IQ tests, 100 is always the average of the population. However, the 100 mark is moved regularly; 100 now was about 50 in the early 1900’s. This shows that either people are actually becoming smarter or education is improving. Either way, it’s leading to more and more atheists it seems.

      • Melissa Deeze May 9, 2012 at 1:42 PM #

        The trust thing might be because in Christian/Catholic belief they stress abstinence. I think that the parental units just are afraid that since you both are atheist, there is no longer a point to “saving yourself”. That might be why they don’t approve much of leaving you two alone in her bedroom… Keep in mind they ARE parents and you two ARE teenagers.

        &As a mutual friend to both of you, I understand how you feel. Ever since her parents found out I am into exotic things (burlesque dancing, revealing clothing, smut writing, etc), plus that facebook incident too, her mother hasn’t really approved of Nicole coming along to any events with me. She does not approve of Nicole going to concerts, parties, even local anime conventions with me… Lately she’s lightened up but still… There’s that awkward tension when inviting Nicole to things that aren’t community service related.

        I remember Nicole even telling me her mother wanted her to hang around more with that girl we all strongly dislike rather than hang around me. It kind of bothered me but I’m used to parents not liking me so I do my best to be and sound respectable around the parental units.

        You did not use any names about the girl that you dislike… But I have a feeling it is the same girl that ratted me out to Nicole’s mother about a simple Facebook status on my profile that had nothing to do with Nicole- or anyone for the matter.
        Nicole’s parents are just very conservative people.
        When I came home from her house nearly in tears over the Facebook incident, my older sisters explained it to me in a polite matter. My mother and father are very open people. I can openly discuss sex and drinking in front of and to my mother and father. They are the opposite of conservative. I’m not used to being around conservative people. I don’t know about you though. Anyways…
        Since her parents are conservative, it’s hard to NOT be different around them. Whether the difference is religious beliefs or exotic interests… I was raised where no matter a person’s religious views, race, life choices, etc It is wrong to judge someone.
        *Note; I am not at all insulting her parents. They are beyond the nicest and most caring persons I know. They’ve done a great deal of favors for my mother and I. They even helped out the cheerleaders when we had nobody else with a big enough car to hold the mats… And they’re band parents lol

        Also my mistake with the facebook status; what might be okay in my eyes, won’t be okay in others’. So me posting a status about vaginae where all of whom I am friends with on Facebook can view, probably was not a good idea on my part. Especially since a few statuses before I was saying I was with Nicole and you. It gives people the wrong idea of things. Which could be why that girl had her mother call up Nicole’s mother and even though she exaggerated the status a great deal, still… It was stupid on my part and I still feel utterly guilty and terribly sorry for getting Nicole into so much trouble over it. Thankfully, I think her mother forgot about that and is starting to let Nicole hang around me outside of color guard related things.

        My point being, I understand why you feel that way. Plus the hurt from the girl that tried to get Nicole to break up with you. It really sucks. But unfortunately the only way you can cope is to just respect their views and do your very best to be nothing but a gentleman. Try to just watch what you say around them or post on Facebook (even though you rarely go on). Explain to Nicole why it bothers you, and maybe she’ll understand and try her best to fix the situation with her parents. They’re understanding people… Right? 🙂

        Okay, well I’ll see you at lunch. Cool blog, keep posting stuff!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: